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You know what I'm talkin' about.
You know what I'm talkin' about.
to have been wanted more.
OCS.
NUS Law.
Yale-NUS.
PSC.
…..
Forget about it. I’ll continue to work hard and if you can’t appreciate that, then its your loss.
I’ve grown to realise a lot of things about myself over the last few months. They aren’t good things. I dont think that im a very good person at all.
I’m impulsive. I’m indecisive. I’m selfish. Lack mental resilience. Temperamental. Weak. Lazy. Fear commitment.
I’m often afraid of change. I crack under pressure. I harm those around me when i break. I’m unreliable.
I dont deserve a lot of things. I shouldnt have been surprised or upset when psc didnt call me for an interview. I complain about way too many things because of my own incompetence at them- i’m jealous.
I’ve always held that we should be proud to be whoever we are and that we, ourselves. are responsible for shaping who we become. But at times like this, i just wish that i could start off anew. Clean slate.
Just grab my savings and fly off somewhere where no one can find me. Somewhere peaceful where i can rediscover who i am. Tibet maybe. I dont know.
Its like I’m constantly being driven by responsibilities and obligations. I just want to break free. So hey, add another to the list. Irresponsible.
Its 1 am now. I have no idea why i’m even awake.
Goodnight everyone. I miss how things used to be.
Wow, its been a really long time since I posted anything. Within a few months, I’ve completed my BMT, POP-ed, received my A level results, applied for and am attending law interviews and am more than halfway through my bloc leave. The old cliche that time flies has never seemed more true.
I’ve been trying to get a lot more reading in recently, whether it may just be the daily papers or “One Day” by David Nicolls and that book on politics and culture that I can never remember the name of. I’m slowly but surely weaning myself off video games, and am contented to just play a bit of them every day.
I’ve also resolved to spend more time with friends and family. I hope to meet my close friends at least once before bloc leave ends, and to have spent sufficient quality time with my family.
Surprisingly, I haven’t felt any burning desire to exercise yet, although I will probably try to make time for a run tomorrow. I suppose NS really makes you a little sick of PT haha. But then again, you can never have too much PT (not really).
I haven’t danced for ages. Well, properly danced I mean. I must get around to it sometime.
Don’t just aim to survive, aim to excel. We are what we do on a regular basis; excellence is hence not just an outcome, but a habit.
……
I’ll be back soon. Take care.
Law clinics and Meet The People sessions. Hmm.
